When Love Comes Back Page 16

  “Felicia, I don’t think in your heart you’ve ever really dealt with the loss. I know you have a history with him, but he broke your heart. I’m thinking your memories are fonder than the reality actually was. I’m giving you permission... Explore this thing with him, but then come back to me assured that you won’t have any regrets or questions in your mind. You need this.” He swallowed hard, and the pain in his gaze slayed her. “I don’t have to like it, but I understand and am giving you my blessing. Go to him. Get your closure. Then come back to me.” He lifted her hand and gently kissed it, bringing tears to her eyes with the tenderness he put into that one, simple gesture.

  “I’ll be in touch,” he said. Steven rushed down the steps of the gazebo and strode back to his car.

  Felicia stood there alone in the center of the gazebo, stunned. What the hell had just happened, and what did she do now? She sank to the cold floor and let the tears flow.

  Chapter Fifteen

  After tossing and turning all night, Felicia was up the next morning before the sun even rose. She wrapped up in a robe, brewed a single cup of coffee, and went out to her patio to think.

  The fountain gurgled softly and fingers of light were just starting to stretch across the Eastern horizon. It should be a relaxing, soothing place, but her brain spun with so much chaos, she couldn’t settle into the beauty of it.

  Steven’s words from last night kept echoing through her brain. Was that her problem? Had she just never gotten the closure she needed from her relationship with Gage? It made sense. If she’d been in love with him all these years, wouldn’t she have stayed miserable and sad? That wasn’t the case. She had a good life, a satisfying life, one that overall she was happy with.

  So, how did she get closure? It would be awesome if it were something she could just do for herself, but that obviously wasn’t true since she hadn’t been able to do it so far. She needed to meet with Gage, talk things through.

  Just the idea sent spasms of panic through her stomach. They’d have to talk about what happened that last day. She didn’t want to think about that again. Dredging up all that pain sounded like the worst sort of torture...for both of them. But maybe this would allow her to move on with her life.

  She picked up her cell phone and texted Gage. Can we meet to talk? Thought about maybe taking a hike in Snowcroft this morning. They needed to do this on neutral ground, someplace where she could walk away if she needed to. Maybe having the discussion outside would make it slightly easier.

  She’d assumed he would see the message after he woke, but she got a response immediately. I’d like that. What time and where?

  She glanced at the time on her phone. It was still really early, but they were both awake. Is 7:30 at the Trestle Trail too early? I can bring a thermos of coffee.

  See you there, he texted back.

  She scrambled off the chair. That gave her forty-five minutes to get showered and dressed before she had to make the thirty-minute drive up the mountain.

  AT SEVEN TWENTY-SEVEN, Felicia pulled into the circular parking lot that served the Trestle Trail recreation area. There was only one other vehicle there, a bright blue Jeep with dealer tags on it.

  She stepped out of her truck and stretched her back, inhaling the much-cooler mountain air. Even in the middle of the summer, the temps up here dipped down into the forties at night. As she slipped on a sweatshirt, she chewed on her lip with worry. She hadn’t thought to warn Gage that he might need a jacket.

  The door of the Jeep opened, and Gage stepped out, all rugged in hiking boots, jeans, and a gray, Air Force hoodie.

  She hadn’t realized he’d gotten a new car or that anyone was sitting in it when she parked.

  “New wheels?” she asked by way of greeting while trying to make it look like she was focused on examining the bright-blue, four door Jeep and not the sexy man standing beside it.

  He nodded. “Yeah, I ordered it before I left Japan. I picked it up from the dealership yesterday.”

  “Nice,” she said. “I hope I didn’t interrupt any important Saturday plans.”

  He shook his head. “Nope. In fact, I was getting ready to go for a run when I got your text. I’d much rather get my exercise this way. It’s gorgeous up here.”

  “Yeah, it is. There aren’t very many places where we can have both extremes in climate and geography—the desert basin of Terravista and the mountainous forests up here in Snowcroft. I love it here.”

  Gage grabbed a backpack out of his Jeep and nodded toward the water bottle she carried. “You want to put that in here?”

  “You don’t mind?”

  “Not at all. Throw it in, and we can get out on the trail.”

  They walked down the path toward the trail. Felicia was relieved to see the mushroom warnings they had posted at the trailhead after Ralph’s poisoning scare.

  Gage pointed at the bright-yellow sign. “That wasn’t here before, was it?”

  She shook her head. “No, but Ralph made it so that we had enough verified cases so we could post warnings. Hopefully, it has kept a few pets safer. The rangers have been actively trying to eradicate the fungus from the trails, so there aren’t any more problems. So far, I think the cooperation is working.”

  “That’s good.”

  As they walked over the wooded, rocky path, the quiet settled over the two of them. This first part of the hike was mainly downhill. Felicia should be talking now while it was still somewhat easy to breathe, but she had no idea where to start, how to jump into this discussion.

  “I’m surprised you called me this morning,” Gage said. “I would think if you needed a hiking partner, Steven would be more than up to the task. He appears to be a pretty fit guy.”

  If Felicia felt better about where things stood between Steven and her, she would laugh at that assertion. Anyone could look at Steven and know he was in peak physical condition. “Yeah, well, things are a little weird between us right now.”

  She had been leading them down the path, but Gage reached forward and pulled her to a halt. “I think you need to explain that.”

  “I will. That’s why I wanted you to come this morning, but let’s keep walking. I don’t want this to get weird, and it will be easier to talk about it if I don’t have to look at you.”

  “That doesn’t sound ominous at all,” Gage deadpanned.

  They probably hiked another half mile in quiet before Felicia worked up the nerve to say what she needed to. “I think I need some answers.”

  “O-kay,” Gage said slowly. “Tell me what you need to know.”

  “About what happened between us... I have to admit, I was completely blindsided that morning.”

  Gage made an unhappy sound in the back of his throat, but he didn’t interrupt her.

  “I knew that you’d been unhappy with things, but I guess...” She swallowed the lump in her throat. She would not cry over this again. It had happened a long time ago. “I think maybe I had just misunderstood where we stood. Did I make us more serious in my mind than we really were?”

  “No!” Gage slid to a halt behind her, gravel scattering as he lost his footing.

  She turned to make sure he was okay.

  “I’m fine,” he bit out. “But you have it wrong. You need to know that I absolutely loved you. I fucked up, but god, that never changed how I felt about you. Hell, how I’m pretty sure I still feel about you.”

  Oh, god. Her breath came in pants and her head spun. She stopped, holding herself up by leaning on the trunk of a tree. Those few words shouldn’t affect her so much anymore. He shouldn’t affect her so much anymore. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she get over him?

  “I didn’t think this through properly,” she murmured. “We’re both likely to break a leg or ankle at this rate.” Her thoughts kept ping ponging around. It was no wonder she couldn’t get her feet to work right.

  Gage blew out a breath and nodded, glancing around the slope they were on. “Come on.” He tugged her. “It looks like
there’s a clearing right around the next corner. We can get off the trail, drink some water, and discuss this face to face.”

  That’s what she’d been trying to avoid. She didn’t want to see his face when he told her she’d never been enough for him, but it was time to put on her big-girl panties, get through this, and then convince Steven that she could move on with her life.

  She followed Gage over to the clearing. It was way too easy to enjoy the pull of his worn jeans as they cupped his amazing ass. In their youth, she’d always loved his lanky body, but he’d filled out with age. His shoulders were broader, his waist more tapered, and it looked like he took full advantage of the squat bar at the gym. It was enough to make her mouth water.

  What would those glutes feel like under her palms as he thrust into her?

  No! She closed her eyes to clear that image from her brain. He wasn’t hers to think about like that anymore.

  She slammed right into that same broad, muscular back she’d been fantasizing about.

  Gage swung around and grabbed her by her upper arms to steady her. “Whoa, are you okay?”

  “Yeah, sorry about that. I need to pay better attention.”

  Gage frowned but didn’t say anything more about her clumsiness. Once he was sure she was steady, he let go of her and stepped back to give her room. “Is this better?”

  She glanced around the small clearing. “I don’t know.” She laughed self-deprecatingly. “I guess we’ll see.”

  Gage nodded and began to pace.

  She needed to put them both out of their misery. “Why did you do it, Gage? Why did you sleep with her? Had you done it before? Was I just stupid and didn’t realize that you were cheating on me the whole time we were apart?”

  He threaded both his hands through his hair and looked ready to pull it out. “What you need to know is that I never would have hurt you like that if I could have helped it.”

  She clenched her jaw as her heart rate took off like a jackhammer. The entire situation made her angry and hurt, but for him to not accept the responsibility for that? No, just no. “What? She just fell on your dick, and you couldn’t move? From what I remember, you were a hell of a lot bigger than her.” That blonde had been beautiful and petite and gracious even as she’d given his jilted girlfriend a ride back to the airport. Felicia wished she could hate the blonde and blame her for this mess, but that blame lay fully on Gage’s shoulders.

  “Of course not, but it was New Year’s Eve. You cancelled on me. I was fully on my way to my own drunken pity party when a couple of guys from the squadron came and dragged me out to a party. I was already drunk before they came over. I just became more so as the night went on.”

  “Being drunk doesn’t excuse cheating on me.”

  He shook his head. “I know it’s not an excuse, but that was the only time I cheated on you. Hell, Felicia.” His voice cracked. “I don’t even remember it happening,” he whispered, looking at the ground.

  Then he looked up and met her gaze with so much pain in his eyes that it made her breath shorten. “I completely fucked up my life and ruined us, and I don’t even fucking remember how I let that happen. Do you realize how awful that is? The next thing I remember after arriving at the party was waking up, thinking I was in an amazing dream and making love to you, but then you were walking in the room and that girl wasn’t—”

  A moan of pain tore from Felicia’s throat. She hated her weakness, but she didn’t want to hear anymore, anyway. How was this supposed to help? Every word felt like a razorblade slowly carving parts of her heart out of her body.

  “She wasn’t you,” he finished on a whisper. He came over to her and wrapped his arms around her, murmuring into her hair, “I’m so, so sorry, Doc.”

  She cried into his shoulder, taking comfort from his broad arms and chest. It didn’t make any sense that he could make this feel any better when he was the source of her pain, but him holding her helped. He ran his big hand up and down her back, and for the moment she felt safe, even though that was the furthest away from the truth.

  Eighteen years ago, he had blown up their relationship, taking her heart with it. And now he was back, messing up her life again. She yanked out of his arms.

  “Oh my god, what am I doing?” She swiped viciously at the tears streaming down her face as she backed away from him. “You did this, and what am I doing, falling into your arms again? Steven doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about. How can I get closure with you? How could I ever trust you again?” Her laugh sounded hysterical.

  Gage had frozen and now tilted his head as he squinted at her. “Steven suggested you do this. Why?”

  She wrapped her hands around her waist. “He thinks I need closure before I can move on. He thinks because our breakup was so abrupt, I never really let you go.”

  “You still have feelings for me?”

  “No.” That wasn’t true. “Yes.” But it wasn’t as easy as she just simply had feelings for him. She had anger and moments of affection and lust and so much anger... “Dammit, maybe.”

  Gage rubbed over his face, trying to disguise his smile. “Well, as long as you’re clear on the matter.”

  “Fuck you, Gage.” She couldn’t remember saying that directly to a person before in her life, but wow... “That felt really good.”

  She turned to him and glared. “Fuck you, Gage!” She swung her arms as she stalked toward him. “Fuck you for breaking my heart. Fuck you for playing with my emotions.” She poked him in the chest. “Fuck you for fucking someone else when I was ready to give you every single part of me. Fuck you!” Every word came out on a sob.

  He grabbed hold of her hand and opened her fist, kissing the inside of her palm. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” he whispered and kissed her hand again. “I’m sorry I broke your heart.” He kissed the inside of her elbow. “I’m sorry that I messed up everything.”

  Another kiss grazed the slope of her neck. Shivers rolled over her skin. He stole her ability to think, to breathe, to focus on anything but him and how close he stood to her. “And I’m so, so sorry that I fucked someone else when all I ever wanted was to make love to you for the rest of our lives.”

  This kiss started at her ear lobe and trailed down to her chin, finally settling on her lips. She sighed. She’d wanted him for so long. The urgency of the kiss pushed her back until she leaned against a tree for support. Her core tingled as his lips and tongue swept over her, lighting up every nerve with sparks. It felt like it had been forever since she’d had his lips on her.

  And she never wanted it to end.

  His fingers delved under the hem of her sweatshirt, finding the skin of her stomach.

  He stroked over it.

  She hissed in a breath as his heat scorched her.

  “Tell me this is okay,” he murmured as he kissed her neck, his fingers reaching farther and farther under her clothing, edging toward her breast.

  She arched into his touch, silently urging him higher.

  “Tell me you want this as much as me.” His voice rumbled, shaking her to the core.

  For a split second, she wavered, thoughts of Steven intruding on the moment. But she’d missed this, missed Gage. If this is what it took to get closure, then yes, she wanted this. She could enjoy this single moment in time to say goodbye and then they’d be over...finished. The end.

  “Yes.” She gasped as she tugged on his sweatshirt, needing it off. She wanted to feel his heated skin against hers.

  He leaned away from her just long enough to reach behind his neck to strip off the sweatshirt and T-shirt underneath.

  Seemingly miles of taut, muscular skin stretched before her, a playground of erogenous zones. She didn’t even know where to start. She laid one palm across his delineated abs covered with a very light dusting of dark hair while her lips sought his puckered nipple. He moaned as her mouth closed over the tiny bud.

  He tasted of salt but smelled of Gage, a scent that she used to be addicted to. As she worshipped his s
kin, it occurred to her that it would be way too easy to become addicted again.

  No, one time only.

  She moaned, her panties soaked from simply tasting him. She scored her nails across his skin, gratified at the groan that rumbled through his chest and across her lips. His heart raced, its fluttered thumping knocking against her fingertips.

  “I’ve missed this,” he moaned. “I’ve missed you.” He started to tug her T-shirt and sweatshirt over her head, although she was reluctant to stop worshipping his chest long enough to pull back and allow the motion.

  When she met his dark, lust-filled gaze, it ratcheted her lust and desire higher.

  His gaze dipped to her breasts, and his mouth dropped open. “Oh, thank fuck,” he whispered. “You still wear your sexy as fuck lingerie.” He ran his finger along top of the turquoise lace at the swell of her breast.

  Lingerie was her little secret. She wore jeans and T-shirts most days because being a vet could get really messy. But she wore expensive lace and silks under her scrubs to boost her confidence in her femininity. Gage had always been a fan.

  Her breath caught as he pulled the lace and stretched it so that it cupped the underside of her breast. He leaned down and ran his mouth over her nipple. As the wet heat of his lips seared her, her back arched of its own accord.

  He tugged gently with his teeth and she keened.

  She speared both hands into his hair, grazing his scalp with her fingernails, urging him for more. Oh, god. Her core clenched hard. Could she orgasm from just this?

  “Fuck me, Gage. Please?”

  He stilled for a split second, lifted his head from her breast. His lips were wet, his pupils blown, and his chest heaved. She cupped the side of his face, that beautiful, gorgeous face that she’d missed so many times over the years. Her eyes filled with tears at the emotion overwhelming her right now.

  “Please,” she whispered.